Sunday, October 05, 2008

The God that Outsourced

Nothing is too extreme when it comes to politics. From A to Z, the rules in politics are ever changing or to put it point blank, there exists a rule none. Well, let us take a look at what Lord Shiva a.k.a The Destroyer had to say when he was accidentally spotted in disguise by a journalist near… well, I’m not willing to disclose the location as local pedestrians will crowd around the area, raise a shrine and turn a deaf a ear to the traffic thereby interrupting it.

Journalist: OMG! I can’t believe I’m looking at Shiva, oops, sorry, Lord Shiva!... In disguise…
Lord Shiva: It doesn’t matter; just call me by my name. I don’t want a crowd to gather around me and keep me here forever. I’m suffocating already. I guess my friend has gone on a creation spree. Must stop production. But before that, I need to wipe off some species off the planet to balance things for a while.
Journalist: Oh! wow! This news is making it to the gossips section in tomorrow’s paper. Well, may I ask how you intend to do that??
Lord Shiva: What!? I thought this news might make it to the headlines!
Journalist: I’m Sorry… I’m from The Times of India. The headline has already been reserved for the story of Aishwarya Rai falling off her bicycle during shooting. India needs to know what happened to her.
Lord Shiva: Oh, that lady. My good friend, the Creator, put some extra thought and effort while creating her and these lame people praise modern day costumes. Well, anything to not disclose our identities.
Journalist: hmmm... although, she did undergo a rather bad spell when she was with Salman. She turned up with a black eye at a party. You can't blame that on cosmetics...

Lord Shiva laughs.

Lord Shiva: You know, that was my work actually. In the name of karma? And Salman had been good that year. So, I played a little Santa.
Journalist: Nice! Well, anyway, you were saying something about wiping off a certain species…
Lord Shiva: yeah about that… I…

When Lord Shiva was about to start charting out his plans, the journalist gets an emergency call from her company. After attending the call, the journalist put on a ghastly look. And then…

Journalist: I didn’t know you were this fast!! You did all this while talking to me!? Amazing!
Shiva: Why? What happened??
Journalist: Modesty appreciated. An MP from the Samajwadi party sacrificed 200 goats and 4 buffaloes to ensure the trust vote in favor of the UPA government. To ensure victory. Well, I got to go cover this. And don’t forget to buy tomorrows paper. Last page, bottom right corner. Bye!

The journalist runs along. And Shiva slowly walked his way towards his next destination with a single thought lingering in his mind.

Lord Shiva: (thinking)… when the hell did I start outsourcing???


13 comments:

Vivek said...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ash on a cycle WOULD definitely hit the headlines!

Jayaprasad said...

he he he he he he he he he he...... Finally outsourcing will be of the form that someone else will be going to temples instead of us as v r very busy....

Wandering Mystique said...

true...outsourcing is the mantra of the day, but i hope there is a Obama in Vishnu or Brahma, who will be against it :-)

Raja said...

Very True... Ash falling off her bicycle was indeed in the front page of Times of India... (i think a couple of years back) ... Makes sense, only if I had been there to save her from the deadly fall ;-) .. Anyway, this is a good funny post... Hindu is my favorite newspaper to-date for obvious reasons.. Hope they stay that way..

Vibushan Lakshminarayan said...

ha ha :) yeah.. Hindu is really good when it comes to these :) And yeah, we all hope too

Lokesh said...

nice one...

Add headlines today to the above list of such journals, if not for 1 or 2 of the scams that they broke, it has got no rights to call itself a news channel. Lately, NDTV is also trying to take the same road...

Wandering Mystique said...

Yes, especially in TOI, Amitabh Bachchan admitted in hospital for a minor surgery deserved a first page report and the death of a service-man while fighting millitants in an operation-hideout after Akshardham incident, was pushed to some inconspicuous corner in the 6th or 7th page. (And this Raja used to buy TOI, on the pretext that their classified section was good ;) Hehe!!!) The current trend is to report information without a round of verification / enquiry...For instance, one of these terrorists arrested recently in connection with the Ahmedabad blasts was supposedly a "Wipro employee" while he was actually a dealer selling Wipro products. The sad thing was that, 2 days after Wipro clarified this, I saw the news on NDTV still mentioning that he was a Wipro employee...Can you believe that?! There are hardly any sources these days, providing unbiased and correct information...The Hindu has so far managed to be an exception.

Vibushan Lakshminarayan said...

@Lokesh
well, yeah. About headlines today, i too have seen that its quite worthless. Abt NDTV, well, its got sometime :)

@Wandering Mystique
The current trend is to just sell gossips and crap while taking the more important headlines with regard to politics and other issues to the pages behind. Now I see the filmstar -politics connection :)

Akshay said...

Hey विभूषण
This was the first blog post of yours that I read and having read it, can say it certainly won't be the last :)!

When it comes to exaggeration and hype, the Indian media pales in comparison to what little I've seen in the US! There was this child who got stuck in a washing machine tub...the fire department was called in to 'rescue' him! The kid was of course interviewed at length :D. Nothing to beat the politics here though...its another word for 'circus'.

Vibushan Lakshminarayan said...

Hey! Thanks for the comment! Well, the US has got a bit of exaggeration in everything it does I guess :) even their reality shows and other tv shows i've tried watching :)
Though, about politics, you are right. 100%. The polirics are, lets say, A "wild circus" :). Call them injuns probably :)

Chiju said...

these days shiva is outsourcing most of the work i guess... soon his outsourcing network is gonna beat the TCS employee count i guess, who are in turn working to catch up with the employee count in railways... Vishnu has to take a 11th avatar of Obama to cut most of the outsourcing i guess.... Good post vibu... atlast i'm able to understand wat u write.. :)

Vibushan Lakshminarayan said...

well, yeah, I guess, Shiva and outsourcing are linked with the samajwadi party Mp who is doing the work of Shiva. Destroying. :)

Vibushan Lakshminarayan said...

ha ha ha.. yeah :D I think Shiva is taking a break :D