A Conversation with a Religious Fanatic

I happened to have this conversation with a professor who works in my University back in India. I was hoping to have a mature conversation on freedom of expression. To my surprise, I happened to experience, something, I thought I should share. The persona of hate and irrationality fuelled by Religious Dogma embodied by this cantankerous professor (to my grave surprise). I do not blame him (I do blame the environment he might have been brought up in) but I certainly am very disappointed that people continue to impede societal progress with such narrowminded convictions and more importantly such people find a place in teaching institutions, where the future of our nation is shaped. Bear with me through the whole conversation and you will definitely understand my concern and, hopefully, empathise
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Injun on the Road

At the rate at which the population is growing- exponentially, I’d say, in the most literal sense, the place has become a pigsty. I don’t think pigs can cross the road with caution. I don’t think pigs can drive unless they drive you crazy. And I don’t think pigs have even the first sense, let alone the rest. Nor do the people on these roads.

Chapter 1: Prerequisites and Primary Objectives

1. Be blind. Not being so has a high probability of your internal organs to be re assembled. Example- The heart in your mouth.
2. Helmet is protection. Armor is closed protection. Neither is closed casket.
3. Mastered the ‘8’? Now, master 7.5, 3.45, 11.7 and 2.75. Preferably by doing the wheelie. There just isn’t enough space on the road for two wheels.
4. A pocket dictionary of vulgarity. A special edition that covers more than 4 national and international languages is preferred. Knowing it inside out makes you king of the road.
5. Always remember, paint the town red. Take it in any sense you want. Be it the slang or spitting a red blob of a sorry aftereffect from a paan shop on the road.

Chapter 2: Getting Started

1. Now that the primary objectives are complete. Let’s start. Vrooom, vroooom…
2. Use a helmet that only partially covers your head. You have to practice multitasking by messaging and talking while driving.
3. Remember, a brake can damage your vehicle and your speed sense.

Chapter 3: Yes, It’s your Grandpa’s road

1. All the middle road’s a stage.
2. Be it walking, driving or a strip tease, the middle of the road is the best. People need a little entertainment amidst their driving.

Chapter 4: The Juggernaut

1. Stopping is a sin. Whatever happens, don’t stop. Be it spitting, vomiting, taking a piss or any other activity that our drivers do on road.

Chapter 5: An Armored Juggernaut is King

1. The helmet has multiple roles.
2. When, under an unavoidable circumstance of overtaking a bus, a silent projectile from inside the bus, can leave you cursing the innocent crows.
3. When you follow a fellow injun practicing chapter 4, you don’t want to taste his excreta.
4. When YOU practice chapter 4, you need your head in place, if not your brain, to keep practicing.

Chapter 6: I Know what you did Last Corner

1. When a loser overtakes you, hang on to him with your hook and don’t give up until you step on his carcass.
2. Now that’s painting the town red.

Chapter 7: I Still know what you did Last Corner

1. Vendetta is the secret of the skill.
2. If you can’t inflict pain on the loser, work your ass off, buy a bus and play prowler till the loser becomes a sorry pile of worthless garbage on the road.

Chapter 8: Burning Rubber

1. Now that you’re equipped with skills that our people naturally possess, Go, show who’s King.

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Tears of Blood

1947. She was independent, strong, confident and made a difference. A difference the whole world marvelled at. She showed herself to be powerful yet a strong humanitarian. She followed rules that had peace at its very foundation and humanity built up on it. The people who freed her were proud of her. They walked with their heads held high. Then were born the sons. She cared for them and nurtured them well and wanted them to take up the mantle- to rule their brothers.

The sons then grew up and kicked their own mother's womb and cursed her so she gave birth to more and more sons endlessly. Those that were deformed in the brain, insane would grow up so even the deepest and darkest depths of hell would spit them out. Then She was put to sleep by her own sons and cursed to breed cruelty, insanity and wilderness throughout. Her womb became cold and filled with filth. Then came men of lust from other parts of the world who raped her while she cried out loud to her sons to save her while the sons stood beside counting their daily earnings and while their brothers of innocence stood helpless without a voice.

India stands naked infront of her own sons and their betrayal. Unable to protect herself. People appointed to guard the law are beating each other up with the aggression of a mad, raging bull with no regard to what they are guarding. People appointed to rule the country are busy swindling, laughing at its own fate while people of innocence are out there with their blood smeared all over turning the country red. Now she lays helpless and cursed to sleep and never to wake up again crying the tears of blood that flows like a crimson river while her sons still dream of the riches they can salvage and profiteer amidst the crisis with just a casual nod as a sign of sympathy.

" Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago." *

* A quote from the movie Blood Diamond

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Amidst a Few Hours of Anarchy...

Note: This post does not contain any exaggerated information.

The day was presumed to be peaceful. It was a Sunday. Until, the day marked the arrival of a well known personality (I’m forced to call it one) in the city. According to me, it doesn’t have a name. Probably, one who is not to be named? I can’t say. But that’s close enough when in comparison with the characteristics of He who must not be named.

Needless to say, the support was massive. Crowds from all over the place and more came to catch a glimpse of it. The city was well lit and even at night, it felt like a sunny day. During other times, probably it’s the other way round. Everything was taken care of. Roads were well laid, etched out walls and parapets of flyovers painted. I guess Chandrayaan would have spotted more craters here than in the moon. Everything had been taken care of. What had been promised or was mandatory had been done. Finally. Though it’s only for a day.

And surprisingly the pace at which the work was carried out, just for the one that’s visiting, was astonishing. Speed breakers and craters vanished like a million termites were set on a log of wood.

The meet was scheduled at evening. As I told, people from all over had come down dressed in monotones. The city was facing a grave traffic chaos. Not that it’s different any other day. I’m just stressing that it was more pronounced on the Sunday. The brighter side of it, literally, was that the city did not suffer from a power shutdown.

Mobs had gathered and were enjoying the lust for alcohol and smoke. I’m not sure about the other sin. For an instance, the place took up the mantle of hell itself. I could see it and so can anyone. Buses and Lorries parked right in front of the houses without the least respect for the board “No parking in front of the gate” would lead anyone to presume that the rate of illiteracy has and is growing exponentially. Well, what am I thinking; the reason for the support is now obvious.

While the meet was drawing to an end, most of the people drunk and dancing. Shouting and swearing slogans against other castes and creed, the basic characteristics of human decorum was absent. A new race on the emergence. People were unable to walk a straight line. Some were down on the middle of the road like it was their cozy bed. And police protection for them.

Unable to endure it anymore, I went in and closed the door for fear of intrusion and assault. Monday. The city back to square one. No policemen on the streets, no one ways, no lights, no power, no speed limits. When I saw this, I knew there was at least one welcome change- It had left the city. For now.

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A Series of Misfortunate Events

Rainy season. The day drenched in the beauty of the rain and the night giving you the chill to make your blood freeze inside. The lush green (the meager amount left in this modern jungle) wearing the color of the deepest of its shade you can imagine.

Good things don’t last long. It’s both God’s and a politician’s plan with a difference only in the motive. The former’s is to avoid being insatiable and the latter’s the result of being insatiable. These feelings, the calmness inside lasted till I reached the flyover to reach another part of the city. I noticed the time. It was 10:35 a.m. The flyover measures roughly about 300 meters. Quite a short ride. After crossing the flyover I checked the time. It was 11:15 a.m.

Finishing my work, I went home at 12:30 p.m. I had the intention of watching a movie or listening to some music. I guess, man proposes and a politician disposes. There wasn’t power. Being idle can simulate a lot of thoughts. Tired from scaling the flyover like it was the gargantuan Himalayas itself; I began to ponder what took me so long to cross that one tiny stretch.

Well, what was I thinking? Of course Politicians are “brainy”. Well, let me first explain how the fly over is built. There is a main flyover for cars and other huge vehicles and a sub flyover (more a crawl under) for two wheelers. The fly over has been built in such a way that it also acts as a reservoir during the rainy season. Be amazed at the sheer planning of it! So, the armies of two wheelers that are likely to use the underground have two options.

1. Go scuba diving.
2. Choose the safer but ultra-crowded path.

It’s obvious which path they took for fear of sharks or probably the Lochness itself.

Enraged (who wouldn’t be?) and thoughts raging through anything it could scourge, I hypothesized a little pet theory.


I guess every responsible Indian citizen feels the same. That India is beyond salvation.

Now the time is around 4:00 p.m. Power is back. Am I happy? Hell Yeah! So I can get this thing penned and spread the joy.

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Personality Development for Easy Money for Domers - A Concise Practical Approach by Examples

In these modern times, everyone know the bare truth that making money isn’t easy since it is a dog eat dog world and anything you do might just come back and bite your ass. After a lot of musing, I claim to have come up with an approach to make millions easily though it might involve daring a certain amount of risks and forgetting from the start that you had principles. That brings us directly to chapter 1.

Chapter 1: Prerequisites and Primary Objectives

1. Blind bravery which means you must be ready to meet a rogue bull- naked and bare handed and initiate a fight even if it risks you losing your balls. Later you can show it off as a proud scar even though people might think you’re brain dead.
2. Illogical reasoning skills which sometimes refers to shouting at the top of your voice without making one bit of a sense in a public arena. You’ll be used as a wonderful metaphor thereby saving the dog species from being referred to.
3. Love for a local language (just pretend if you’re devoid of it) and preach that it’s the supreme language and any other language should be condemned. So people will not know you’re interested in not their welfare but the faded history.
4. The urge to be a cabal/maverick. Staging a protest will get you a B. Coming up with a master plan to over throw your superior will get you an A. Executing it will get you an A+.
5. Preach this. Create a club. Be their leader. Be worshiped.

The qualities mentioned above are to be nurtured and made to run in your blood so in future you can easily pass it through your genes rather than trying hard to inculcate them into your kid’s brain.

Chapter 2: Getting Started

Getting the knack of things? It’s High time to get started. If you’re in school/college now and you’re reading this, then a piece of advice. Leave education. NOW! Later when you’re in a big position you can yell to the press saying that it was THIS decision that has brought you to this position. If you had listened to your dad you’d be a lame software engineer or a doctor.

Chapter 3: Presenting Yourself

Your dressing sense talks volumes. Dress like you’re the epitome of Monotones, preferably in white because white is an amalgam of all possible colors. So there is no way of finding out what your true colors really are.

Chapter 4: Develop ways of reasoning to safe guard your decisions

Always learn to reason things to your advantage. For example, a log of wood can be used to chase away a stray dog minding its own business rather than to make fire thereby saving the log from burning. So you become the ultimate crusader of nature.

Chapter 5: Preach Bold

Preach like a saint and live like you ain’t. A practical example would be to condemn anything that is foreign and preach Gandhian principles but drive a (not restricted to just one) foreign car and name your kid “Sylvester”.

Chapter 6: Learn to make Prom, Prom and more Prom

Wondering what the title is about?? It’s simple. It’s half of Promises. Promise a lot; keep them up while bypassing it. For example, Promise not to watch T.V. anymore as it’s an idiot box. You keep up your word. People think you’re a responsible guy. You instead go to the theaters daily.

Chapter 7: Plan way before hand

The age old formula. Always plan way before hand. Come up with constructive plans like cutting off water supply and then demanding a lump sum per liter of water distributed. Promise a state of the art flyover and provide a shit-hole instead. Making spare tires for bikes compulsory for just a day and earn per spare tire sold.
Planning is the most efficient and proven technique that can be attributed to any success. Now that you know how and what to plan, we’re ready to proceed to our final act.

Chapter 8: The finale- Earning laundry

Enter Politics.

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