An Oblivion in Gray

May, 1999.

Alone, I lay, covered in my own grief and blood. My once pugilistic self had gone placid. Clenched fists slowly unveiled to become open hands trying to embrace the situation that was once a behemoth looming over its prey. The rumbling skies looked down upon me with utmost sorrow that it began to rain its cries. It was a season when the sky didn’t know whether to reveal the sun or the rain. Nevertheless, it rained. I lay there humbled by the gesture. My accoutrements were strewn all over the place. Glimmers of past memories whisked my mind like the flapping wings of a humming bird. There wasn’t any movement from me but for a wince that showed disbelief and realization at the same time. I had given up the urge to resist. I could see the images in front of my eyes blur and fade away. Everything there is, boils down to this one point, eventually. We had won but deep down, I know we lost. We lost everything. Things we loved and things that meant the most to us. The thought stuck me like a hungry blade right through the heart claiming what it was meant to almost immediately.

A life of war and sacrifice,

I see no gain but pain.

A soldier seeking fortune in vain

I hope to live again.

Standing on the barren war front,

We go along the rhyme.

Fearing as the end approaches,

Victims of our own crime.

Left our traces on the war field,

By the many lives we steal.

As my comrades had their time,

And so did I have mine.

Walking through a shore of bodies,

But will they rest in peace?

There’s no life without a soul

And the power that makes them whole.

Kneel and pray for forgiveness

My wounds are hard to heal.

For all the deeds that have been done,

Search for reasons none.

With this thought, I closed my eyes... darkness. Black. Everything went dead silent and I knew I was sinking. Then, a shadow stretched out its hand.

Footnotes: The content sans the time period is entirely fictitious. The time period is when the kargil war took place. I have tried to pen down my imaginations on the revelation a wounded soldier experiences in the last few minutes of life.

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OvertKill

A nightmarish blood-lusting ghost,

Killing everyone, the path that he goes.

Die at the hands of the wraith

Victimize us for his religious faith.

Her majesty’s palace in burns.

Crying fire sparks while hammered to yearn.

Spilling the blood of your creed.

What good is it when there’s no profit or need.

This hate crime we can’t comprehend.

Hardened but helpless we fight to the end.

We fall to the ground as we cry.

You pride at our misery while watching us die.

The hands of fate- risen again,

Claiming its heads through the blood-hungry men.

It’s all just one big overt kill,

A bloodied masterpiece incomplete still.

Justice, it strikes slow and hard.

But what of the remains that’s broken and scarred?

What of our loved ones again?

What of our loved ones again?

Will we see them again?

I know it is not November yet. But I wrote this sometime back and thought I might as well post it now that the verdict has been passed.

Image Courtesy : Google Images

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Whatever They Say...

Its more than just about time I got this out of me. It’s been in me long enough that now it has to come out. Beliefs. What about them? Recently, I’ve been exposed to a lot of these “beliefs” that lacks any proper explanation but for the orthodox sake of it, a deed remains to be undone.

In some cases, Jatakas, by which some people swear by. Some astrologers read the prediction of one’s life from the alignment of the stars at the moment you were born. A rare talent, one must agree. But like any other skill, a lot of its techniques have been tampered with. And I can swear that I saw a book titled, “learn astrology in 30 days”… why? So the astrologer can write a beautiful script of a story and use his clients as characters in them? Every prediction is math. Based on current events and given inputs, there should be a definitive output. And if a result of math fails, it is bad math. Some results of math are based on approximation. And one can frankly say that not all marriages that have been performed after a proper jataka match have been a success and not all marriages that have defied its jataka predictions have been a failure. If this is the result, then the math here is an approximation. Things MIGHT happen, things MIGHT not. And conveniently, most of the cases say, Jatakas don’t apply to love marriages. What the hell is this statement? Did God create a being and place a condition before his future that solely depended on an “if”? If its math, and if it’s a result, it should be universal. If jatakas are truly right, then even for love marriages, the two people meeting and liking each other should have been a “meant to be” and their jatakas matching should have been the result. That when we can say the math has truly worked out.

Karma. Well well. I’m a firm believer of karma. Only sometimes, I got questions. The more good one does, the more good one receives in return. But then, anyone can deduce from what’s happening these days, classic example being our politicians, that the rule of karma is either failing or not immediate. The politicians, they rape anything that comes by, from their motherland to natural fuel to women and still, are men held of high status. And our people promptly say that “he will be punished…. One day… his deeds don’t go unnoticed”. I totally agree. His deeds don’t go unnoticed. They just go unaccounted. I don’t see the great flood coming either. All the while, the honest man’s day goes like he’s being trampled and squished by parade of elephants.

The time of Saturn or Sani. The lamest excuse one can give when things are not going right. Sometimes, people fear to do things when they are under the power of Saturn. According to the ancient beliefs, a particular time of Saturn upon someone is said to cause death. Hence people refrain from driving, flying, anger (sometimes can indirectly contribute to death) etc. What they have forgotten is that they can fall to their death by some water spilt on the bathroom floor or while descending a flight of stairs. But no, Saturn has a particular way of performing his duties. He indulges in skilled performances like traffic accidents and the likes. I got just one thing to say, Live free for a day instead of living a lifetime in fear.

The final call being, all three types mentioned above are interrelated. Out of the tree, anything can be used when there’s an opportunity to blame or use as an excuse.

With all due respect to a lot of beliefs that are genuine, a lot of them aren’t as they have just evolved from various other beliefs and convention systems. Beliefs can be used as a guide but not to steer people’s lives. Assume nothing. Question everything. Hope is what we strive with. Hope is what we have when we do something. Hope is what we have when we want something to happen. Carpe Diem is the formula of the day or die a sorry loser.

This post is a result of my exposure to things and my beliefs alone. The perspective may be different on the other shore.

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