Face Palm on a Holiday

Its the 6th of November and its a public holiday here in Melbourne, the occasion being the Melbourne Cup- Australia's major thoroughbred horse race with dressy men and dressier women (Drinking and watching the race, Not riding them). Famously tag-lined as "The race that stops a nation", it is indeed true, because its 2:00 pm and I'm just crawling out of bed. After a hard week at work, I didn't want to leave the comfort of my cosy sponge heaven. So I just lay there with this weird thought in my head.

What is it that Tony Stark has that Bruce Wayne can never have?

One part of my brain is speaking for Tony Stark while the other is speaking for Bruce Wayne.

Tony Stark has shit loads of money.

So does Bruce!

Tony Stark has the Stark empire!

Bruce Wayne has Wayne enterprises. Stalemate. 

Tony Stark has a fancy suit.

Yeah.. like Bruce walks around in his pyjamas.

I meant his Iron Man suit, fool.

Oh right! And what's Batman meant to be? 

Tony Stark has the lovely Pepper Potts!

Bruce Wayne has the sexy Selina Kyle!

Iron Man has Jarvis!

Batman has Robin.

Ok, both looking equally gay now.

Iron Man can fly!

Batman has The Bat! Ha!

Iron Man has the repulsor rays.

Batman has the utility belt!

.
.
A moments silence and then.. Yes! I have it!

Tony Stark can have facial hair.

Bruce Wayne can... wait... !? Noooooooo!!

I snapped back and backtracked this weird train of thought and realised its also the time for the annual event Movember when, during the month of November, people grow a Moustache to raise awareness towards prostate cancer and other male cancer initiatives (Wikipedia). So I'm sporting a Mo :)

Nevertheless, Well played Mr. Stan Lee, Well played.

I need to get out more.

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Beware of this Post

It’s a known fact that the great minds work in the loo. Mine is no different.

I meant to say, mine works in the loo too, though useful thoughts hardly pass through.

Hey! That rhymes!

Sigh… Anyway…

I was just thinking, about some warning signs put up by dog owners outside their homes to warn strangers about them and that there isn’t one way of warning them without someone making a comment about it.

Some of them read

Beware of Dogs:

Thanks for the general advice but mine is quite friendly. Seriously.

Beware of the Dog:

Man… No offence… but is your dog the last surviving member of the species? No? Let me guess, was he the dog that the Greek God Hades petted? No no… wait… that was Cerebrus… which one is yours, again?

Beware: Dogs Inside:

Ha ha ha ha!! What do I say!? What CAN one say!? I know you have family issues, but please don't rebuke them in public...

So I guess the best would be to just hang something like this outside and let your dog and the stranger take care of the rest.

Image courtesy: Google images - http://planetzuther.com/OTHER-IMAGES/dogIcon.png

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Kadaa

Kadaa – Scapegoat.

You know you’re suffering from the Kadaa syndrome when…

1. When your dad asks you to shop for his clothes, alone, by giving you his shirt size but asks you to accompany him to the saloon even when you don’t need a haircut, you know you are a Kadaa.

2. When ONLY mom and dad are involved in a tiff, mom says something about dad to which dad retaliates asking 'WHAT DID YOU SAY?' to which mom coolly saves herself by replying 'I was talking about him' and points to you, you know you are a Typical Kadaa.

3. When your sister asks you to check on the firecracker she lit, that’s still smoking but not yet gone kaboom, you know you are a Classic Kadaa.

4. When your dad accuses you of being sloppy when you dropped the remote but later drops it himself and blames his old age, you know you are an Aattu Kadaa.

5. When your mom accuses you of just putting on unhealthy weight and that her requests are falling on deaf ears like a buffalo in the rain, you know you are a Yeruma Kadaa.

6. When your parents shout at you for sleeping all day like a log after filling your stomach with home food and spending your energy by playing your PlayStation, you know you are a Dhanda Kadaa.

Glossary:

Kadaa – Scapegoat

Aattu Kadaa – Scapegoat (younger version)

Yeruma – Buffalo

Dhanda/ Dhandam- Jobless &/or Good for nothing

Lessons learnt: None. Whatsoever.

image courtesy : Google images - http://anxietypanichealth.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/scapegoat-cartoon-sm.jpg

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Defiance, Illiteracy or plain Dumb

I know it's been a loooong time since I went blog-trotting and since I contributed something to my blog. The twins are sleeping still.

Anyway, I happened to stumble upon this in Chennai (a lot of my whereabouts are in Chennai of late. You'll soon know why :) ) and I just wanted to post this.

The board reads "Please DO NOT dump Garbage here".

Now you can actually compare my post to Garbage, saying "Hey, wasn't that the garbage post?", and the answer might be "Which one?"...

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5.5 Hours and a Superhero Born

Hi blog!
…
Haaii bloog…
Blog? Hello?
…
HELLO TWIN!!
YIKES!! … Phew! You again! You… evil… twit! Sorry… twin! (Gulp…)
No worries, I aint gonna hurt you…
Wow! Really!?
Not in front of them, that is…
Oh, well… I guess I’ll keep a tombstone ready then…
You guessed it; I have it all set…
Awww… How nice of you! Hope it atleast says R.I.P, if not to mean it..?
You wish! I made it say, “good twin- Died in sleep. Evil twin- haunting house”
Well, atleast let me finish my story, can I?
Is it like a last prayer kind of thing, twit?
Hey! You called me twit!
I can call you whatever I want to…
Ok bro! Just checking…
So, what’s your story then?
You did see the title, didn’t you?
It says superhero!? Oh my god! Please don’t tell me that lame story you told about some wayside hero… oh please! I beg you! Puhleeezz… I can get killed you know!
Oh! Ha ha ha! Looks like the tombstone is gonna read “Good twin: narrating stories. Evil twin: died of listening”
what…?
Damn it… backfire…
SHUT UP!!... CEASEFIRE!!!
“What was that!?” (in chorus)
Blog..? blog!! You’re alive! Yay!
Blog: You woke me up, you IDIOTS!!
You mean, brought you back from dead?
Blog: Now, you, evil twin, “SHUT UP” and “you, moron, go ahead with your ramble”
As you wish, blog-o-mighty, as you wish!

Once upon a time…

Cut the crap…
Alright! If YOU could just shut up

I have this habit of taking impulsive decisions that sometimes just comes back to bite my ass. Anyway, I had an exam that should be written so I qualify for my future plans and the examination body conducts it in our hometown for OUR CONVENIENCE. I seem to have missed that part, conveniently. I chose a date that did not have my hometown in the places list and I chose a place that can’t even be remotely called one. But having subject to taking up responsibility for my decisions, I decided to see it through. And I’m happy to say, the only pleasant part of this trip was my exam (I hope).

I landed in the place called Mad-urai, which by the way, I had no difficulty finding out not because of any landmarks but because of a smell that is nonexistent in any other part of the world.

Ewww…
Thanks... I think this is the only part where we have a single perspective

I got into an auto and headed to my hotel. And thankfully, it was a good place to stay. But good things aren’t for long. Before I knew it, I was out in the scorching heat in search of the holy place so I can get my exam over with. But then I made a mistake. I caught an auto. And my oh my! I was taken for a ride both tariff wise and the drive itself. The driver drove head on towards a bus approaching at a considerable speed, like Superman and Darkseid in a final battle clashing it out. I was like a helpless fly sitting on superman’s neck not knowing what was going to happen but definite that I was screwed.

I thought you were the superhero!?
Wait evil twin... patience…

Thankfully, the driver made a last minute turn and the bus just whisked by. This is how a couple of days in Mad-urai went. Atleast I was a happy man in my hotel room. After 2 days, I went to the bus stop to board the bus at around 230 with the sun literally sitting on my head. Anyways, I was happy. I was heading home.

WHERE is superman!!?
Patience… you..!
WHAT?
I meant, you mighty listener...

And I got into the bus. Like it was reserved for me, I could see one seat empty and I occupied it as fast I could though there was no competition. Now I know why. With every brake, stop, jump and acceleration, I felt like I was going to vomit my own organs. Then came the greatest of evils. It started when the bus started. The bus had a couple of TVs inside and I was expecting some entertainment. All they could play was songs in movies in which a famous Tamil political had acted. 5.5 hours non stop. I could feel that my brain got sedated. I felt like a POW in a Nazi camp. But then the positive side was if I could endure this, I could, from now on say,”what else? Bring it on”.

Like how Spidey got his superpowers from a spider exposed to radioactive crap, I got mine from a prolonged exposure to yester-age songs. The power of endurance.

What about your readers then?
Well… you got me…

And so was the story told to the people the moron knew and like rats hypnotized by the pied piper of Hamlin, the listeners jumped into the sea.

You mean they followed you?
Nope… jumped half way through...
Sigh…

Blog? You awake? Blog..?
I think its dead..

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The Art of Self Defense – Bruce Flee

Every living thing on the planet has some kind of defense to protect itself from danger. Why, to be plain, even nonliving things tend to have its defense, like Kaspersky Internet Security has a built-in option to protect itself from viruses and malware. Well, the point is that, self-defense, in any possible method is important.

This incident once happened in college during break time. My fellow nomads and I were having a pointless conversation. It was just like that, when I suddenly told about my newly learnt Karate moves from a Bruce Lee movie last night.

“Guys, check out the new moves that I learnt yesterday! Heeeyahh! Hoi! Hooo!” I said, though I looked like a worthless baboon while doing it.
“So?” the guys asked, trying to control their laughter, although two girls passing by did laugh.
“Self defense is one of the most important skill in the world. In fact, I’d say its mandatory”

Nodding their head and then ignoring the point, the topic shifted to something else though I can’t remember what.
Suddenly, a deep rumble was heard right next to me, like the whole earth was shaking. I spotted a huge boulder slowly making its way towards the group. It was as our good old Vijay. A nice guy, but the fattest of the group. We all love him and, make fun of him every moment we could salvage.

I couldn’t help saying, ”Hey Vijay, guess what, satellite imagery has improved. Better picture quality with finer detail. Now Google Earth has got a better picture of you! They can see even your beard and mush, I guess!”

I knew I had it! But some guy in the group HAD to remember about the self-defense part I was rambling about.

“Dey, Vibu, Show us some of your moves against Vijay da. Show us your skills in ‘the art of self-defense’!”
“Yeah yeah! I will. In fact, I’m about to demonstrate the most ancient form of Self-defense. And that is called…”, I replied.

The guys watched eagerly what I was going to do as I took up position.

“…..Indian Kung Fu!…”, and I fled… As fast as I could and as far as my legs could carry me to.

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