In these modern times, everyone know the bare truth that making money isn’t easy since it is a dog eat dog world and anything you do might just come back and bite your ass. After a lot of musing, I claim to have come up with an approach to make millions easily though it might involve daring a certain amount of risks and forgetting from the start that you had principles. That brings us directly to chapter 1.
Chapter 1: Prerequisites and Primary Objectives
1. Blind bravery which means you must be ready to meet a rogue bull- naked and bare handed and initiate a fight even if it risks you losing your balls. Later you can show it off as a proud scar even though people might think you’re brain dead.
2. Illogical reasoning skills which sometimes refers to shouting at the top of your voice without making one bit of a sense in a public arena. You’ll be used as a wonderful metaphor thereby saving the dog species from being referred to.
3. Love for a local language (just pretend if you’re devoid of it) and preach that it’s the supreme language and any other language should be condemned. So people will not know you’re interested in not their welfare but the faded history.
4. The urge to be a cabal/maverick. Staging a protest will get you a B. Coming up with a master plan to over throw your superior will get you an A. Executing it will get you an A+.
5. Preach this. Create a club. Be their leader. Be worshiped.
The qualities mentioned above are to be nurtured and made to run in your blood so in future you can easily pass it through your genes rather than trying hard to inculcate them into your kid’s brain.
Chapter 2: Getting Started
Getting the knack of things? It’s High time to get started. If you’re in school/college now and you’re reading this, then a piece of advice. Leave education. NOW! Later when you’re in a big position you can yell to the press saying that it was THIS decision that has brought you to this position. If you had listened to your dad you’d be a lame software engineer or a doctor.
Chapter 3: Presenting Yourself
Your dressing sense talks volumes. Dress like you’re the epitome of Monotones, preferably in white because white is an amalgam of all possible colors. So there is no way of finding out what your true colors really are.
Chapter 4: Develop ways of reasoning to safe guard your decisions
Always learn to reason things to your advantage. For example, a log of wood can be used to chase away a stray dog minding its own business rather than to make fire thereby saving the log from burning. So you become the ultimate crusader of nature.
Chapter 5: Preach Bold
Preach like a saint and live like you ain’t. A practical example would be to condemn anything that is foreign and preach Gandhian principles but drive a (not restricted to just one) foreign car and name your kid “Sylvester”.
Chapter 6: Learn to make Prom, Prom and more Prom
Wondering what the title is about?? It’s simple. It’s half of Promises. Promise a lot; keep them up while bypassing it. For example, Promise not to watch T.V. anymore as it’s an idiot box. You keep up your word. People think you’re a responsible guy. You instead go to the theaters daily.
Chapter 7: Plan way before hand
The age old formula. Always plan way before hand. Come up with constructive plans like cutting off water supply and then demanding a lump sum per liter of water distributed. Promise a state of the art flyover and provide a shit-hole instead. Making spare tires for bikes compulsory for just a day and earn per spare tire sold.
Planning is the most efficient and proven technique that can be attributed to any success. Now that you know how and what to plan, we’re ready to proceed to our final act.
Chapter 8: The finale- Earning laundry
Enter Politics.
Chapter 1: Prerequisites and Primary Objectives
1. Blind bravery which means you must be ready to meet a rogue bull- naked and bare handed and initiate a fight even if it risks you losing your balls. Later you can show it off as a proud scar even though people might think you’re brain dead.
2. Illogical reasoning skills which sometimes refers to shouting at the top of your voice without making one bit of a sense in a public arena. You’ll be used as a wonderful metaphor thereby saving the dog species from being referred to.
3. Love for a local language (just pretend if you’re devoid of it) and preach that it’s the supreme language and any other language should be condemned. So people will not know you’re interested in not their welfare but the faded history.
4. The urge to be a cabal/maverick. Staging a protest will get you a B. Coming up with a master plan to over throw your superior will get you an A. Executing it will get you an A+.
5. Preach this. Create a club. Be their leader. Be worshiped.
The qualities mentioned above are to be nurtured and made to run in your blood so in future you can easily pass it through your genes rather than trying hard to inculcate them into your kid’s brain.
Chapter 2: Getting Started
Getting the knack of things? It’s High time to get started. If you’re in school/college now and you’re reading this, then a piece of advice. Leave education. NOW! Later when you’re in a big position you can yell to the press saying that it was THIS decision that has brought you to this position. If you had listened to your dad you’d be a lame software engineer or a doctor.
Chapter 3: Presenting Yourself
Your dressing sense talks volumes. Dress like you’re the epitome of Monotones, preferably in white because white is an amalgam of all possible colors. So there is no way of finding out what your true colors really are.
Chapter 4: Develop ways of reasoning to safe guard your decisions
Always learn to reason things to your advantage. For example, a log of wood can be used to chase away a stray dog minding its own business rather than to make fire thereby saving the log from burning. So you become the ultimate crusader of nature.
Chapter 5: Preach Bold
Preach like a saint and live like you ain’t. A practical example would be to condemn anything that is foreign and preach Gandhian principles but drive a (not restricted to just one) foreign car and name your kid “Sylvester”.
Chapter 6: Learn to make Prom, Prom and more Prom
Wondering what the title is about?? It’s simple. It’s half of Promises. Promise a lot; keep them up while bypassing it. For example, Promise not to watch T.V. anymore as it’s an idiot box. You keep up your word. People think you’re a responsible guy. You instead go to the theaters daily.
Chapter 7: Plan way before hand
The age old formula. Always plan way before hand. Come up with constructive plans like cutting off water supply and then demanding a lump sum per liter of water distributed. Promise a state of the art flyover and provide a shit-hole instead. Making spare tires for bikes compulsory for just a day and earn per spare tire sold.
Planning is the most efficient and proven technique that can be attributed to any success. Now that you know how and what to plan, we’re ready to proceed to our final act.
Chapter 8: The finale- Earning laundry
Enter Politics.
13 comments:
The best post so far in your blog.Whatever you said is absolutely true that today it's difficult to live with true principles and values.Just the need of the hour is the adaptability.If you adapt to some stupid things success may be slow but sure :). i love your high level sarcasm. Keep it up dude.
even without the last chapter, anyone who read this post would have figured out their medium to get to the millions you mentioned in the first chapter.
In short... TRUTH IS BITTER, i know that... figured that TRUTH is even FUNNY at times.. :)
@ Jayaprasad
Thanks :)
@ Chiju
The last chapter is probably the barren truth that i really wanted to say. Thanks :)
Vibu
This post is awesome! Dunno why.... but I get reminded of my boss while reading this!
Of course the cake goes to Chapter 8!
And hey....... the label reads "Musings of an Enraged Mind"
;) any specific reason?
Cheers
Rakesh
@ Rakesh
Thanks! Well, reg. the label, I wrote this post when I had to yap something about our rotten leaders governing the land. Who, like I said, squander OUR money. They promise a lot when the election comes and then thats it.
These things, I guess, can enrage any sane person. Hence the label :)
great writing..
sattirically superb..The whole life we all are trapped is simple non sense.. yet we build universities to research our own stupid ideas...
loved the way you write..
expecting more..
@ the man :)
Thanks for visiting!
Yeah. true :) thats one other perspective to see it..
there has been a lot of truth in your posts these days!
keep em comin!
i think i liked chapter 5 and 8 the best!
start writing on new bitter truth for dummies!
nice one.
@ Vivek
Well, thanks :)
reg. bitter ruth, i guess everyone knows it but some or not able to express it and some resort to bloggin and some to journalism :)
Thanks for the encouragement. I'll keep writing :)
I quite agree Vibu! Politicos are people who make tall promises, deliver nothing and in the process sqaunder our money! They are vermin and a definite curse and scourge to our nation and people!
Quite true when you say that they can turn any sane man insane with anger!
@ Rakes
Roger that :)
hi...
i was just introduced to ur blog through an email forward... i must say it makes for an interesting read, but i have one suggestion. Could you use a lighter font colour (like a lighter shade of grey or even white), as the current font is a little difficult to read!
@RUCHI
Thanks a lot for dropping in and please keep dropping by. I'm also now curious to know how my blog ended up in an e-mail forward :D. Regarding your suggestion, thanks again. Will work on it.
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